Update the Diary - Майго

08:32. Apparently, yesterday, the memory block stopped working due to shock, and I fell into a panic state and began to delirium. I can't explain the last entries in the diary any other way, but I still need to wait for the doctor before jumping to conclusions.

08:49. I went to the blog and found there the largest number of messages for all the time I used this app. Everyone was surprised by my abrupt disappearance from the holiday, some had already learned that I was in the hospital and wished me a speedy recovery. I wonder who called the ambulance or took me to the hospital. Maybe it was Dino. Yesterday, He said that he wrote to me on a blog for all these 5 years, despite being blocked. I'm interested in reading what Dino wanted to tell me, but I'm afraid if our conversation yesterday caused me to be in the hospital, then I definitely shouldn't read these messages.

Yesterday, Dino seemed sincere. Although, He was always so and bluntly expressed their thoughts, without thinking about the consequences. How can you be dependent on this person? I shouldn't bother my head with questions right now.

09:37. I had a conversation with the doctor. After evaluating the results of the brain scan, he said that the memory block would stop working during this week, so I would stay in the hospital. After that, we discussed the hallucinations of the previous week. The doctor suggested that the cause of their occurrence could be fatigue and strong emotions experienced while watching the film.

Then I asked if there was a way to slow down the memory block. To which the doctor replied: “The side effects of these procedures will bring a lot of discomfort, and the result may not be. Therefore, it will be better for you, Norma, to resume therapy with a psychologist, and after the blockage disappears, go to a hospital for a year, where you will receive constant medical care. There you will be able to accept and then let go of your addiction to Dino” – the thought that I will not be able to be with my husband for a whole year made me sad, and I remembered the removal of memories.

“The choice is yours,” was all I heard in response. I was again given a week to think about the question on which my future depends. It's excruciating. I just want to go home, go to work in August, and live a normal life. Is this wish impossible? I need to talk to Catsu.

10:16. He'll come and see me after dinner, and we'll talk it over. Catsu will also bring some hospital supplies from home, even though I don't want to stay here even for a week. Until then, I'll have to amuse myself with what's in my head. Can contradict the diary?

12:46. I went around the hospital grounds for the third time, studied all the drawings on the walls, and I have no more ideas what to do.

15:58. Dino's here. I didn't want to see or talk to Him. But my resistance was useless, and I went out with Him for a walk. In the end, we started talking, and He asked me about how I had lived without Him, whether I had started following someone else. This sudden jealousy and questioning surprised me. I didn't think that Dino was so possessive, because he hadn't shown me such attention before. Apparently, I was married to Catsu, I shattered His pride. Because He thought, he could manipulate me out of addiction. But my memory was blocked, and I was able to look at the world around me. This time I had the strength to say it to His face. How could I even admire Him? He left me without explaining anything. And after 4 years, he says that I am dear to Him, and he wants to start all over again.

“I can't feel bad because of a hypocrite who played with my feelings” – just because of this thought, I ignored his shortcomings. Because I can only admire the “ideal” person, and if there is no such person, then you can always create it in your imagination and put this mask on the real person.

I will not betray a loved one who is much dearer to me. He calmed me down during panic attacks, took care of me when I didn't even want to get out of bed. And Catsu did this without demanding reciprocity, patiently waiting for my “awakening”. I will no longer doubt my feelings for him. I need to talk to him and tell him everything.

18:28. He doesn't answer my calls or read my blog posts. Nothing happened to him, did it? He was simply detained at work, or invited to drink in honor of some holiday. That's all right. I can't worry. Definitely not now. Distraction, you need distraction. Where are the books?

18: 34. That's all right. I'll just get a nurse to help me.

18:43. Please hurry. Somebody helps me!

20:36. It happened again. The nurse gave me a sedative and I fell asleep. After I woke up, she said that I was lying motionless, and did not answer her questions. So the nurse became concerned and looked into my eyes (which were open) and realized that I had shock paralysis. It is now clear why my attempts to call for help were useless. I'm glad she started her rounds early, and my ordeal ended a little earlier.

After what happened, I can't imagine what will happen to me when the memory block completely disappears. We're supposed to have dinner now, and then I'll try to call the prodigal husband again and go to bed.

Good night, Diary.

* Note: *

– 21:23. Catsu called me many times while I was in a state of shock.

When I called him back, he spent half an hour explaining to me why he