The Testing of a Wizard - Viktor Gitin

– Tell me, tell me. How is he?

HERMIT – Everything is fine! He was covered with rocks from a landslide…

LIZY – А-а-а! (Falls back in her chair half-unconsciously)

HERMIT – (Rushes to her) But he’s not dead! Not dead! Don’t worry… I rescued him and healed him. He turned out to be a nice guy. We became friends.

LIZY – You scared me so much.

HERMIT – You scared me even more. I don’t know how to do mouth to mouth resuscitation… especially to young girls. And Gelo could get upset with me if something would happen to you. He really does love you so much.

LIZY – So now you’re friends with him?

HERMIT – Yes. And he invited me to come and live in the town, so that I could live nearby.

LIZY – It’s very good. I’m glad you two are friends now.

HERMIT – You know everything is turning out very strange. I saved him from landslide, and he saved me from myself. I hid for a few years from the world and the people in it. He helped me to understand a simple thing. In truth I was hiding from myself, but you can’t hide from yourself! You walk away from people, you can walk away from problems, but you cannot walk away from yourself. I believed in what he said. And that’s how he became my new friend…

LIZY – It’s so good you saved him. But he still has so many obstacles in front of him. I need to help him. He desperately wants to get the MIRACLE.

HERMIT – I’m not sure whether he can get this MIRACLE. But he already has given me a miracle. Peace in my soul – this is a genuine miracle! And he makes me truly happy. Because a real friendship is a miracle!

LIZY – Will you show me where Gelo went?

HERMIT – Not only will I show, but I will guide you through the mountains, so that you won’t get lost. Since you’re very dear to me! You are my friend’s fiancé! But just be careful, in the forest where you will have to go there lives a frightening Cannibal. And I forgot to tell Gelo about him. I hope he will deal with him like a Wizard.

Music plays. Blackout. Curtains.

* * * * *

Scene Three.

Somewhere in the forest there is a dwelling where Cannibal lives. Cannibal sits at the table and bluntly looks at his empty plate. There is a knock at the door. In walks Gelo. Cannibal looks astounded, and then sizes him up.

GELO – Peace to your home good man. The night has caught up with me; I saw a light in your window and decided to check it out. Can I stay a night here?

CANNIBAL – … А-а … of course! Come in my friend. You will be my supper… I mean! … well, my guest!

GELO – Thank you. But I don’t want supper.

CANNIBAL – But I do.

GELO – I can give you some bread, here take some.

CANNIBAL – (Imitates a spit) How disgusting! I would like some meat, lots of it. Don’t you know who I am?

GELO – No, I don’t.

CANNIBAL – (Shocked) Oh my god! Travelers are now simply walking into my house instead of running away with horror. And even offer me bread! For heaven’s sake, I’m a cannibal! I don’t eat wheat!

GELO – Аhh! You’re afraid of putting on weight?

CANNIBAL – (Moaning) I told you, I’m a cannibal! Haven’t you seen cannibals before?

GELO – No, I haven’t.

CANNIBAL – And you’re supposed to be educated, what are they teaching people these days? Where did someone thick like you come from?

GELO - I’m from town.

CANNIBAL - How amusing. It seems to me that the people there are very uneducated and uncultured, unlike here in the forest.

GELO – We do have education in our town, but there are no cannibals. Just don’t get upset…

CANNIBAL – Never mind, I’m used to it by now… In the past it was very different. Love is to blame for everything.

GELO – Love? How can love to be blamed for anything?

CANNIBAL – In the past I was masculine and courageous. The whole population was afraid of me.

GELO – And then what happened?

CANNIBAL – My whole world was turned upside down. I got married.

GELO – So what?

CANNIBAL – She was beautiful, and with beauty comes sacrifices. And I became that sacrifice. At first everything was fine. I could watch her for hours, just eating her with my eyes. And one night I couldn’t control myself and ate her…including sandals… And now I’m suffering.

GELO – (Looking at him with amazement) Yes… what a morbid story. But what’s love got to do with it?

CANNIBAL – Well? If I didn’t love her so much, I would have controlled myself, and wouldn’t suffer so much now. And now if you bring a woman near me, my hair stands on end… And nothing more!

GELO – And I still don’t understand what love has to do with anything you have just mentioned?

CANNIBAL – Nobody understands me! I’m so unhappy. You have to understand me! You see three days ago I was going to eat the passing Blacksmith, and he instead of helping me, he stuck a hammer in my mouth broke two teeth and then ran away. Here has a look. (Opens his mouth and shows him his teeth)

GELO – (Moves away from him) Ok, ok, I can see.

CANNIBAL – It hurt so much. Do you believe me?!

GELO – I believe, believe.

CANNIBAL – Now every time I decide to eat someone, I make sure that they do not have any metal objects on them. By the way do you have any metal objects on you?

GELO – No.

CANNIBAL