How to avoid becoming a spinster? - Ulbosyn Naurizbaevna Shaleken

I’m Baba Yaga here, but there I’m Vasilisa the Beautiful!

Author unknown.

I think mothers tend to start warring and turn on the 'flashing light' when their daughters 'delay' their marriage. Especially if they turn 30.

I know she asked you at least once: when will you get married? You need to give birth to children and age with dignity, after all! Your aunts and friends are likewise trying to find you a good match and keep finding and finding, and finding, and finding, and finding…

IT IS HORROR!)

I remember, after graduation, as it should be, I went to Astana to enter a university. Graduated from it and started working. Made a lot of friends who were peers and older. So far many of them aren’t married or have children.

But the most fun was visiting my mother.

I had a hell of lectures at lunches and dinners, CARL! A HELL! of mom's lectures. The tea was served with news about someone's daughters getting married. EVEN my cousins who were five and seven years younger than me were also married! My mother went into detail about someone's reception, beautiful bride dress and dowry.

This went on for about a year, after which my mom moved on to more drastic measures. She would start talking about some 'nice guy' of a friend of her. Surely, he was still single and wanted to get married. I knew at once that he wasn’t the one who was looking for a wife, they were.

What can I say? Since I’m writing about it anyway. Overall, marriage in our family is a must thing. It isn’t only our family though, but many we know. If a girl never got married, she was a loser in their eyes. She’s probably a poor housewife and a bad cook. There was a feeling that without marriage lines everything would fall apart, cows would stop giving milk, and the country's economy would collapse.

Or she may even be someone's mistress or concubine.

However, I have nothing bad to say about those concubines I know. How can you judge people?

This is their choice, the way, the meaning.

Figure out your own life first.

Mom had a friend I jokingly called a 'sympathetic ear'. Irma was cheerful and quite energetic German woman. Years and years Irma listened to my mom and once lost it: 'Well, if your daughter is so clever! Let she get her ass off the couch on a day off and go meet someone!»

What should I say?

Marriage is a big thing, and I wasn't ready for big things at the time.

Long story short, all candidates my mother found weren’t for me. I used to argue with her. Her words hurt me bad…

But over time, I realised what I would advise other girls. You cannot ignore your mother's requests and 'pain' completely. If your mom found you a potential suitor, it is better to have a look. At least from the distance. Imagine yourself a giraffe, raise your head high and watch. (I love giraffes).

There are many cases when mothers find their daughters a decent partner. Before you say your firm 'no' or laugh quietly, think. Perhaps he’s 'the one'? What the hell? Maybe this is your happiness?

Overall, my mom failed to find a husband for me. I found him myself. Now I’m happily married. My word.

IT'S GOOD WHEN YOUR MOM TRY TO FIND YOU A HUSBAND BUT there are some who keep rejecting all suitors of their daughters. He’s too quiet; he’s the wrong nationality and on and on.

'We wish you the best' – the sacramental phrase parents use to motivate their intervention in their daughter's life. What is the objection?

You must agree that not every loving daughter will dare to offend parents saying: 'No, you mean me harm!' or 'You know nothing because you're twice as old!'

"I wish I'd married one of my suitors," a friend of mine tells me. – At least I didn’t see any flaws in them at the time. If it hadn't been for my mother, we would have been a good family. They then got married and everything is fine with them. My husband had to fit my mother's requirements, not mine.

It ended up with a divorce. A hell of a divorce! With screams and scandal! Dust ceiling high.

A lush wedding is what pleases mother's heart, not a happy live after marriage.

Marriage isn’t just about sharing the roof. Marriage to someone you don't care about is hard labour, not family life. I fully agree with many women in this: it is better to be alone than live with the person you don’t love or hate.

Husband and wife want a romantic moment.

They decided to bring good all times back and go on a date. The husband bought flowers, came to the venue, waits an hour, two, three…

Still no wife.

He comes back home to see his wife sipping tea in front of the TV…

The husband yells out of anger:

– Are you crazy? I’ve been waiting for you for three hours and you’ve sitting here all this time!

– You know, my mother hasn’t let me go.

And yet mothers are right when saying there is time for marriage. Don’t beat about the bush for too long. After all, the older a woman gets, the pickier she’s towards men. As a young girl, you don’t see shortcomings of your beloved one, and over the years your requirements skyrocket.

Conclusions:

Moms are the only people who see through us, but they love us with all their heart. If your mom insists on your getting married, she does it with the best of intentions. She wishes you good.

Don’t take the talk of marriage as a mockery from her side. Your mom just wants to help you find your happiness. Be patient to such manifestations of care, even if marriage isn’t